Can PA’s Liquor Control Board Get Any Sillier?

The Onion is dead. They just can’t make up stuff any dumber than real life in Harrisburg. From the Philadelphia Inquirer:

HARRISBURG – For many, the future of buying wine in Pennsylvania could soon look something like this: your arm on a biometric sensor that will determine whether you’re old enough – and sober enough – to get your favorite bottle from a machine.

This is the part (or at least one of the parts) that kills me:

The machines would carry about a dozen different wines and hold up to 500 bottles, and the opaque windows would prevent minors from viewing the bottles.

Opaque window? Doesn’t that sound a bit oxymoronic? Or maybe just moronic. Or perhaps that just doesn’t seem the least little bit ridiculous from and organization that should have been abolished along with prohibition. That’s right, kids. Don’t even think of looking at wine!

When will I get to stop apologizing for my home state’s arcane liquor laws to people from just about anywhere else in the world?


2 Responses to “Can PA’s Liquor Control Board Get Any Sillier?”

  1. 1 doc
    June 15, 2008 at 11:07 pm

    worse than the window… a complete fbi style background check, store registration, and fingerprints, etc. to use the machine. utterly an abomination to freedom. i hope they dont sell one bottle.

  2. 2 Joe Pulcinella
    June 16, 2008 at 11:22 am

    It’s bad enough that Pennsylvania uses the Pocono Mountains to lure unsuspecting visitors to ski when they’re not even real mountains but have you ever tried explaining the arcane method of procuring alcohol here? It makes you feel like an idiot.

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